Toxic Thoughts: A Big “What if” Dream

We all grow up knowing what kind of home we want one day..or at least I did..

I’ve always wanted a Log Cabin..

Log Cabin


until I found this home..

Victoria Style Home


As soon as I saw the plan for this home I immediately fell in love with it. Now I know 7900 sq ft. might be a little unrealistic, right now, but I do hope to own a big home eventually. It doesn’t have to be a mansion but there are certain ideas I have for my home.

For instance:

  • A library – I love collecting books and want a big library to store them in with a rolling ladder. Wouldn’t mind a hidden room behind it like in the Adamms Family, yes that has stuck with me all these years. 😉
  • Living Room with Floor to Ceiling windows and a Stone Fireplace – I’m constantly freezing and never able to get warm in winter. So the idea of snuggling up in a chair or on the couch, sipping a glass of wine, with a good book sounds so perfect. Not to mention, having it completely open overlooking my farm would be a true dream come true!


  • Bathroom with large tub, fireplace above it, and a TV above that.

Dream Bathroom


  • Big Walk in Closet – every girls dream

Elegant Walk In Closet


  • Hidden Room – Not so much a panic room more like a quiet getaway. Could even be my office.

As you can see I dream big when it comes to my home. Deep down I feel like this is possible as long as I work hard and never give up on it. I know how to get there and how to make it a reality, the problem is my fear of all the “what if’s” along the way. My idea has always been to start small and work my way up. Buy a little piece of land with a house that needs work, fix it up, then sell it and move up to a bigger size. Keep doing that until eventually I’ve got what I’ve dreamt of. However, is that still realistic with the economy the way it is?

Not long ago I started the Soul Detox Plan I can’t begin to explain how much of an impact this has had on me. It’s helped me look at the way I currently think and live my life. One lesson said there are 4 types of fear.

  1. Fear of Loss
  2. Fear of Failure
  3. Fear of Rejection
  4. Fear of Unknown

After reading this I realized just about all of these plague me when it comes to moving forward with my plan of owning my first property/home. For the past 5 years I’ve been “ready” to buy my first home. I want about 25 acres with an old farm house that I can fix up and a barn. I’ve looked at places and found some places I really like but my fears hold me back from moving forward. I’m always thinking about the “What if’s”; what if its the wrong decision, what if I can’t do it on my own, what if the school district is bad, what if I can’t afford it, what if it’s not where I want to live, what if, what if, what if.

All those what if’s stress me out until I stop wanting to think about it anymore and I settle for what I have now. Now I know that’s not the best way to go and that continuing this way gets me no closer to where I want to be, so that’s why I’m writing this post. I need advice/encouragement from you!

I see tons of other one income, single ladies who have their own farms and seem to be doing pretty well. “How can they afford it?” is a question I ask myself all the time.

Question for you:

  • If your a single guy or lady with one income coming into your home (I say one income because you could be single and have roommates or a live in g/f or b/f), how did you know you were ready to buy your own farm? Financially and Emotionally?

  • What steps did you take to get your own farm? I realize going to the bank is probably the first step but that’s where the fear of rejection comes in. I know my credit is good and that based on calculations I can afford about $150k on my own, I’m still scared of the bank turning me down for whatever reason. Or what if they think I can’t afford the amount I need to get the size farm I want/need even though I know I can. 

    So basically this boils down to, I’ll take any advice you want to give. I love hearing other people’s success stories because they are motivating and I learn so much. So if you’ve ever bought a place on your own without the help of another income/person please share your story with me. 🙂


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